"It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people; to focus your energy on answers- not excuses."
- William Arthur Ward
"He who is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else."
- Benjamin Franklin
The Following excerpts come from Abounding Love- the website dedicated to the Ministries of Charles D. Watson.....
Why the Crimes? Message From A Former Manson Family Member....
I was 23 years old in August of 1969, when I committed crimes that shocked the nation and sent shock waves around the world. I'm often asked to explain "why" these senseless crimes happened, the difficulty being to answer without justifying them. In an effort to be accountable, that is, responsible for my actions, I offer the following explanation. By no means do these exhaust the reasons, but possibly this will offer a few contributing factors that caused my actions....
OK, so I had never seen this on Tex's website before and I gotta be honest- that opening intrigued me just a bit, so I read it. I figured that Tex was going to make all the usual nonsensical excuses, and he did. But, he also went a little deeper than just the using religion, and blaming Charlie stuff that you would expect. Today, let us take a look together. Here are a few of the ideas as to why Tex was able to become from a self- analysis written by Tex himself...
Note:All of these quotes were taken from his document. In most cases, I didn't reprint every quote he gave under each Main Idea, but these are the majority of them. Also, all religious quotes added after each Idea were given by Tex himself- that was not my touch. This was the exact format of Tex's document. He listed the specific Idea at top and then put a few quotes or sentences to support the idea under each one. Each supporting quote I selected for the respective Idea is reprinted is in its entirety. These are not parts of paragraphs. This is how he chose to do it...
Tex Did Not Listen To His Parents! (Honor your father and mother - Ex 20:12a)
I'll never forget my parents standing in the living room begging me not to go to California. I said, " I am 21 and I am going," I had never stood up to my parents before in outright rebellion.
The crimes ended up bringing them to their knees, causing devastation, hurt, humiliation and much embarrassment. My siblings were left to hold them up from all the emotional pain, which I so deeply regret."
Tex Says He Suffers From 7 Deadly Sins! (For the wages of sin is death - Rom 6:23)
It was pride exalting me above the Godly wisdom of my parents. I thought I knew it all. My needs were going to get met one way or another, I never had enough. I was a very lustful person seeking to fulfill my flesh and eyes. Drawn away and enticed by my own desire. Envy was present. longing for benefits enjoyed by others.
My fear of failure caused pent up anger in my heart.
Tex Got Separated From God! (All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way- (Isa 53:6a)
These sins were the root and effect of my separation from God. I turned from my parents core beliefs and values, shucking off their accountability, thus breaking their hearts.
I was powerless over the effects of my sin, while trying to fill the void in my heart. Unable to control my thoughts and feelings, my life was without restraint, resulting in compulsive behavior.
With the Power of God's love and grace missing in my life, those deadly sins were free to rule, affecting not only myself, but everyone around me.
Tex Made Compulsive Choices! (Choose this day whom you will serve - Jos.24:15a)
I made one compulsive choice after another beginning at puberty, drinking a beer at 14, and sex at 16 which led to a party life in College.
Though I worked to save for college, I made foolish choices instead of studying, making the grade and being responsible. I chose to run with the wrong crowd, join a fraternity, have sex, move out West, drop out of College in California, get addicted to drugs and join the Manson Family.
The crimes were simply another impulsive choice while self medicating.
I had a choice to chose life or death. I chose death which brought a curse on a multitude of innocent people. As a result, it has spread to new generations, causing a seed of rebellion to grow.
Tex Lacked Knowledge! (My people are destroyed because of lack of knowledge - Hos.4:6a)
The crimes were a result of my lack of knowledge. Today, I have the knowledge of the truth that sets one free of deception, the manipulation of others and my own flesh. I believed a lie, resulting in a trail of devastation.
I was ignorant of so many core things. For instance, the real meaning of love, righteousness, peace and joy; the concept of how thoughts affect emotions, choices of behavior, the wholistic view who I am as a person and the power of right believing, were all things foreign to me.
Tex Was Emotionally Insecure! (A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways- Jm.1:8)
I became an emotionally insecure person, not accountable to anyone. I was overcome with hurt, frustration, and insecurity. I felt that my significance is based on my importance. It seemed impossible to achieve what was being asked of me. The fear of failure possessed me, causing anger and the eventual murders.
Though my family was reserved when it came to showing affection, I was raised a gentleman. For example I would open the car door for my date. But under the surface I was hurting and fearful, which was the reason for drinking to medicate my pain.
Tex Was Radicalized! (For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he- Pro.23:7)
When I met up with Manson, I was on a quest for personal significance that I never gained while trying to achieve the goals set for me by my parents. As a young man, I was experiencing an identity crisis. I wanted to matter to someone, to be respected in the eyes of others, to achieve, to earn a sense of value or self-esteem.
I chose to be loyal to Manson's ideology as a means to attain this goal. I looked at him to bestow on me feelings of significance, instead of returning to my parents dreams in humiliation and failure. I justified violence, never finding my own individual path, nor fulfilling my own goals in life.
I shared a collective belief system with the Manson Family. The ideology seemed feasible as everyone believed it. I experienced a growing commitment to achieve due to group pressure.
Tex was Co-Dependent! (There is a way that seems right to man, but it's end is the way to death - Pro.14:12)
I was suffering from the debilitating affects of "codependency". I looked for others people approval for a sense of worth and happiness, something that other people could truly not give me. Through peer pressure, I became willing to do anything for the approval of the Family.
I gave myself to Manson's radical belief's, allowing him to make my decisions. Finally, I became willing to die for him, yielding my life as a sacrifice. I succumbed to his natural charisma, having no identity left of my own. I chose martyrdom behavior, giving my life for foolish beliefs.
Tex Took Drugs! (Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy spirit- Eph.5:18)
It was only 30 days before the murders when I took my first snort of speed, which was the other catalyst. I knew I couldn't carry out Manson's orders without speed., but for two years I already abused marijuana and hallucinogens.
This allowed my conscious to be overridden so the crimes could be carried out. Still the girls ad I argued whether to go through with it for an hour while driving in the car to the crime scene, but we lost the battle of our minds. Life was not only over for them, but would never be the same for countless others because of my drug use.
On the speed, I became past feeling. But when we returned to the ranch after the crime, I felt my soul had died with the lives I had taken.
Tex Has Final Words!
But I am going to have mine first ;)
If you listen to this jackass long enough you start to realize that he has been working, for a very long time, trying to figure out himself what the hell is wrong with him. Tex had a life that was much like my own and a hundred other guys I know who grew up in a small town. He had a nice family who owned a small business. He was a popular guy, who was good at sports and was able to go to college. He went through puberty like millions of other guys lol having beer and sex after 8'th grade is not unique. He seems to feel that after being a popular high school athlete, and belonging to a fraternity, The Manson family were the ones to make him feel feel pressure to be a certain way? That really doesn't make any sense. He also mentions having to be judged by accomplishments. Tex seems to feel that the rest of the world gets to play by some special rules. Every situation he explains is something that 90% of young men in America go through growing up. Charlie had a background you could make an argument led him down the wrong path. Not Tex. Sorry, I am not buying it. I have read Tex explain his childhood and teen years, in his own words, in two of his books. He paints a picture for me of a upbringing that was... Average to good.
Look, it takes a very special kind of scumbag to stab a woman in the final stages of pregnancy, and do what he did to those people. What kind of animal goes back for more? You would think he would have been, exhausted, in shock, or at least scared out of his mind after the first night. And this wasn't a shooting either. Bang and its over. This was torture by knife. Very personal and difficult way to kill people. It takes more time and you have to be up close and personal. You have to hear the sounds and see the carnage. If you ask any law enforcement person what the statistics are when a person is stabbed so many times so viciously, they will tell you 90% of the time it is a crime of passion or very personal, and the victim most likely knew the attacker. The struggle, the blood, the sounds of desperation, begging, and slow death. Tex did this to strangers, and then the bastard went back out, and did it again.
Tex doesn't seem to understand why himself if you ask me. He gives every sort of reason in the world and hopes that if he throws enough darts, maybe one or two will stick. The truth to me is, there is no understanding what he did. There is something wrong with him. Tex Watson is one of the scariest bastards on the planet. And what makes it worse, is that you never see a guy like this coming. His life was very normal. Charlie was an older, street talking con. If you weren't smart enough to see his jive, then shame on you. But Tex was the guy sitting next to you in math class. The guy on your baseball team. The one you never think twice about. He looks like one of us.
If you read enough of Tex Watson's site you will see one common theme. Forgiveness. He talks about it, and lists quote after quote about it. Even used the word in the title of one of his on-line books. Tex has made his whole life about forgiveness. To me that can never happen. And, even if Tex does deserve some sort of forgiveness, he sure doesn't get to announce that himself. Tex is a curiosity in a box. He is a life-long psychological study. He is not a human being to me. He knows he has nowhere else to turn, and so is trying to attach himself to God in hopes that can save him. I think that he can try as hard as he wants, but I bet not even God wants this deuche-bag around. But that is just my opinion. Even a Saint shouldn't speak for God ;) In him I will trust.
But as advertised, I will let Tex have the final words...
There is truly no explanation for these senseless crimes. I understand people who say, "I don't want to hear it." I apologize for the deaths and pain I have caused due to my naive choices for which I take complete responsibility. I'm angry myself that something like these crimes could happen. Today, we hear of mass killings on a weekly basis. My heart is deeply saddened each time, seeing the wake of destruction left behind. What can we do? I have no answers other than God's Word, that says,
"...if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land" (2 Chr. 7:14).
For the past decades, I've tried to make living amends to the lives I took and the futures that I destroyed in the 60s. I've humbled myself to God, surrendering my life to His will and purpose. I've taken authority over my life, allowing God's power, love and grace to heal, rule and reign in all that I do. I know I can't undo the past, but I do know that God's grace is sufficient for us, and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. So let the weak say, "I am strong!" (2 Cor. 12:9,10).
God bless you all!
- Your Favorite Saint