Friday, April 3, 2015

Austin Ann's movie review: Linda and Abilene (filmed at Spahn)

Please allow me to present my latest (or only) movie review on this great blog of ours. I give you "Linda and Abilene" from 1969. This particular soft-core "hair fest" was filmed at the late, great Spahn Ranch when certain, particular weirdos were in residence. Some of the features of this celluloid shit pie include:
  • dirty feet
  • numerous shots of Spahn Ranch, including back ranch house
  • dry humping with jeans on
  • nude creek fondling
  • scratches & bruises on actresses
  • horn-infested, love-making dry humping music
  • dubbed moaning in "balling" scenes
  • hair, and more HAIR
  • a truck and horse trailer in the background, even though the movie is supposed to take place in 1869)
  • nipples 
  • bar in saloon that has been written about in numerous books, including Paul Watkins book, where he described an incident that happened between Charlie Manson, Pat Krenwinkel, and some instruction on "bearded clam digging." 
  • a character named "Charlie" who plays a bartender (not CM)
  • a dirt trail that has TIRE marks, instead of hoof/wagon marks (supposed to be 1869)
  • pimply man buttocks
  • a laughing rapist with the weirdest, most insane comb-over-type squirrel hairdo
  • incest
  • oh, and lest I forget.....Bill Vance (the guy that Ella Bailey fled with) in a non-speaking, creep part
In closing, this movie is so hideous, it makes "The Ramrodder" look like an Oscar winner. Other than seeing the way Spahn Ranch looked back then, and discovering that Bill Vance actually had blue eyes, this thing almost put me to sleep. Like I always say, though, "to each their own!" Netflix is currently streaming, if you dare to watch!

 Pat Krenwinkel's beaver bar in the Longhorn Saloon

Back ranch house where orgies and baby birthing were aplenty

Bill Vance chewing on match & daydreaming about which house to pilfer next

Flap-comb-over-squirrel-roadkill, balding "thing" atop of head